Why you haven’t heard from me.

It’s coming up 3 months since I last wrote.

And truth be told, I haven’t wanted to. On various occasions I have sat down, blank page in front of me, cursor flicking. To then promptly shut my laptop and go outside, and stare at a tree.

I got off social media too. Apart from the occasional scroll, I was over it. Social media is fine – when it’s working for you. If it’s not though, you know. I also unsubscribed to most I had previously subscribed to (which I highly recommend – sheer liberation).

You see, it was time for me to get quiet. Quiet like I’d never been before.

And this time of quiet was to be one of the most unsettling and heart wrenching periods to date.

It was also to be one of the most soulful and divinely connected.

And the polarities were extreme.

Each time I sat to write about my experience I was too late, for I was on to the next lesson, the next instalment, I literally couldn’t keep up.

So I stopped trying to.

I was invited (forced?) to sit back and watch my life around me break down and fall apart.

It sounds hectic, and it was. The spirit world is not for the faint hearted and the deeper you go the deeper it gets. And the trickiest bit, there’s no turning back. And it really rocks things in the physical world. My clinic world was fine, more than fine. It was my outside clinic world that was recalibrating at a dizzying speed.

A dear friend said ‘Maybe you need to slow it down?’. I could only reply ‘It’s not how it works’.

The thing was, I didn’t need to slow it down, but I did need to settle into it. I needed to stop resisting. I needed to stop thinking I was done and ready to get out of it. I had to… (wait for it) … Surrender.

And so ironically it was thanks to one of the brief mindless scrolls on social media I came across Danielle La Porte’s post  – Love the Egg you’re in.  She speaks of incubating. Of loving the egg you’re in. Of not rushing to get out of it. Have a read.

Part of the reason I stopped trying to write was because I accepted I was incubating. I was in transition. I was integrating. Which of course, at times, killed me.

My ego (often) had jack of it. She was urgent, insistent that I be done already. That we get back to our past way of being. And so at times I tried, to only be flung down even deeper. And then slowly, with time, with the quietness, my spirit got stronger. The quietness created the exact and much needed space for my spirit, my guides and for the spirit world to become apart of my world. 

Really apart of it. Not just in clinic.

***

Exactly a year ago my whole world flipped. I had entities take up residence in my field, and it was thanks to this I was forced to pay attention to the spirit world. All parts of it. This was overwhelming, exhausting, scary and debilitating. And it was exactly what I needed. It was exactly this that led me down the Shamanic Healing path. A new world (literally) was made available to me. And it took time for me to learn to navigate it, understand it, trust it. And it was only from a place of quiet that this was possible.

Early on in the piece of my world flipping, I got a message from my guides. I was told it would take a year from that initial incident before things would feel back on track. A year.

Late last week I was meditating. I received a quiet message. It said, ‘You’re ready’.

And sure enough I flipped my laptop open and was compelled to write. And so I wrote.

Something has shifted, and this doesn’t mean the next lesson won’t be flying in with full force tomorrow, but something tells me the game changer has achieved what it came to achieve. It feels different. And these words are proof.

And look, all this to say, if you are incubating, if you’re feeling the throes of all things spiritual, if you’re literally drowning – know you’re not alone and that it will pass. Spirit works on it’s own schedule. It is so important to know this. But it’s important to also know that it’s only ever for our highest highest good. Please trust this.

Simply put, it’s fucking rough at times, there’s no sugar coating it, when your soul’s on a mission you’ve got no choice but to buckle up.

But fuck it’s worth it.

In short – I came home, I came home to myself. And I have a feeling this is just the beginning.

So hello again readers, I hope to write more shortly. We can only wait and see.

All my love xo