Do you say “I should know better”?

I was chatting with one of my dear kinesiology mates.

I explained I was feeling shame over a recent choice I’d made. Shame. Such an icky emotion. As Brene Brown says, “it’s at the opposite end of the spectrum to worth”, and while I spoke with my mate, there was no worth in my words. I was being hard and harsh and totally non forgiving of myself. I was resisting myself and my actions in a huge way.

I kept saying ‘I should know better’.

And then she stopped me.

She said, “What are you resisting? What is it that you’re not accepting in yourself? You know as well as I do that the longer you try to resist and avoid it, it’s going to hang around. What shadow self aspects are needing your love?”

As soon as her words landed on my ears I softened.

This energy of ‘I should know better’ was bullshit. It was heavy and judgemental and left little room for being human. 

There are times we do know better and we do the exact opposite of what we know we ‘should’ do. But should, schmould! 

Life is life. It’s messy. It’s full of things that take us off track. It’s full of stuff that gets us back on track. 

In order for us to live an awakened life, to live a conscious existence, we need to look at and be ok with all aspects of ourselves, not just the holier than holy ones.

I’ve never considered myself a perfectionist as such. But, I do like things to be pretty ok all the time. Which includes my own actions and how I feel about myself! (Perfectionist much?!).

This ah ha made me realise how harsh on myself I was being AND how crazy this was. What I was experiencing was an extension of my shadow self stuff. Something I hadn’t looked directly at for a while.

And so it was time.

If you’re not familiar with shadow self qualities…

Shadow self qualities are those qualities we regards as less than best. It’s what we don’t want to be.

They are the unresolved parts of self, the unloved parts and aspects causing internal turmoil and anxiety. Shadow self qualities aren’t ones you mention on a first date for instance.

When I started this work 6 years ago I realised through shadow self work that I was a bully. That is; controlling, domineering, manipulative. I knew how to get what I wanted.

And so, after I got acquainted with these aspects of myself I learnt to manage them. When I come from my heart, those qualities above aren’t evil, they’re very effective at getting things done.

We have to remember, that for every bit of yang there is a little yin and for every bit of yin a little yang. It’s just how it works. For all our ‘good’, we’ve got a little bit of ‘not so good’ too. Both needing to be loved equally.

If there’s a quality within yourself you’re not so fond of, I invite you to see if you can go deep and offer it a bit of compassion and love.

One thing I take pride in (and am honoured to experience) is complete compassion and non judgement for my clients and their lives. Truly.

How could I not be offering this to myself?

I want to invite you to be kind to yourself. Mind the cliche, but talk to yourself as your own best friend.

Ask yourself, what is it I need to accept within myself?

Do you need to accept;

You’re a little lazy?

You’re weak willed?

You lie?

You need to control?

You use booze, drugs, sex to avoid yourself?

That you gossip?

You have trouble letting go and therefore hang onto things that may not serve your spirit?

Your ego dominates and you’re not quite ready for it to not dominate?  

There are lots of things we give ourselves a hard time for.

There are lots of things we think we should know better.

By shining a light on these aspects, they lose their power and bring to the surface the magic of their message.

I know for me, upon recognising how hard I was being on myself, I started to soften and life re-calibrated around me. The energetic charge I had towards the situation lightened. The resistance eased and the humour came back.

We’re human. We fuck up. It’s how we learn. It’s how we grow and evolve. And really, when you look at it, life has a wicked sense of humour. It brings us people and situations and opportunities to challenge us. That’s the point. Embrace this. 

Sending you buckets of compassion and love and non judgement x

 

And always keep in mind a Kinesiology session. It clears the resistance, the static. It gets you clear on what’s what. All in all it’s just good stuff. Get in touch – clare@woodwardinstitute.com.au // 0408 359 922