Loneliness. It’s painfully palpable.

This is a post about loneliness. About not being understood. About wondering if you’ll ever fit in.

When I first started all this kinesiology stuff, started studying and practicing it, I really struggled to be in society. To be with my friends. To connect with people. All of sudden the surface level conversations, the small talk, it became so painful. Being out with people, drinking, socialising the way I had always socialised, physically made me sad. I remember doing an afternoon of sessions and then going to the pub with a mate. I was so affected by the hoards of humans numbing out to life. To the point where I left and headed straight for the botanical gardens. Tree energy was all I could connect with.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good numb out every now and then. I do. And small talk, it’s a necessary part of life. Talking spirit all the time gets boring too. But at the time, it pained me greatly.

Not long after this experience I retreated.

I remember many Friday and Saturday nights hearing the city outside, alive and buzzing and feeling so lonely and so disconnected. I didn’t know how to be any more. I felt more comfortable in sessions, going deep, tapping in than I did anything else.

In hindsight I feel like this period dragged on for a year or two. It felt like an eternity.

I remember pleading with the Universe to bring me people, to help me find my people, so I could be understood. So I could feel connected again. It’s all well and good to be tapping in up there but what about down here?

If you follow posts like this, you’ll be familiar with reading find your tribe, find your community, find your spirit family. This can be hard and disheartening to read when you feel like you’ve got anything but.

This post isn’t all glum though.

Fast forward a couple of years and things look very different.

I have to pinch myself at times. I’m now surrounded by soulful creatures who speak the same language as me. And in various forms. They’re not all kinesiologists, (to be fair there’s only a few muscle testers in my crew).  These people, these soul sisters and brothers, they came into my life when I was ready.

My invitation is for you to be patient. 

To be kind to yourself. 

To trust the process you’re in.

While at the time I questioned all of it. I didn’t trust my people would find me, I was terrified they wouldn’t. My loneliness, my solitude, my choice to retreat (cause it was my choice), I questioned it intensely. But in hindsight this time alone was where deep shifts were happening.

I learnt to meditate. 

I learnt to balance myself kinesiology style. 

I learnt to observe, witness, understand myself without the distractions or the numbing out. 

I had the space to start talking to guides and angels and all that other trippy stuff.

In hindsight I wouldn’t change it for the world.

If you’ve connected with what you’ve just read, if it’s like I’ve just read your mind – feel free to reach out to me. Send me an email, just touch base. Know that there’s someone out there who understands exactly where you’re at. Sometimes, all we need to know is that someone gets us, that someone is there should we need them, that we’re understood. That we’re not alone.

And on this note, if you know there are people in your world you could reach out to, but don’t, have the courage to reach out to them. It’s an active process. The Universe does her bit, she’s got the tribe there waiting for you. You need to follow through on things too though. Tee up the lunches, show up to the coffees, reach out to people who you think might be your people. Co-creation. Meet the Universe half way.

And the other thing, it helps to get very very clear on what brings you joy (joy is a powerful frequency to bring you more of the good stuff)…

• Mother nature was my saving grace. Trees. Don’t underestimate their healing energy. I go lie near moreton bay figs, ask them for guidance, ask them to soften the pain. Do not underestimate their healing energy.
• Exhibitions. Art soothes my soul. I don’t get art most of the time. But it does make me feel a certain way. A certain nice way.
• Short workshops, courses. Meet like minded people. Just do it. It’s always money well spent.
• Coastal walks. Move. Don’t be stagnant. Be inspired by the glory of nature as you walk.
• Take yourself away for the weekend. I drove up to Port Stephens once. Booked into a YHA for a few nights. Chatted to foreigners, connected with my inner gypsy. I needed to hear people’s stories. I needed mine to be heard. I’m still good mates with two lovely dutch kids, (they were kids, a few years on I think they’re now in their 20’s). They lit me up.
• And for some reason, watching comedians on youtube being interviewed, this comforts me for some reason.
• Get clear on what brings you joy. It helps. And if you need some help with this, get in touch.

And to my people. You know who you are. From the depths of my being, thank you for listening to me, for holding me, for laughing with me and for talking the same language as me. I’m so glad we found each other. 

And to the souls I’m yet to meet… I’m ready when you are.