Songs unsung
‘Spring has past, Summer has gone and Winter is here.
And the song that I meant to sing remains unsung.
For I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument’.
– Rabindranath Tagore
I finished the course of the Worth essence I was on. The last week took me for a ride. All these old redunant dormant lying sabotages surfaced. With a vengeance. Thoughts, behaviours, reactions. They were all there. I was well aware of what was happening. Everything for which I felt Shame surfaced. And to a great extent I felt powerless over resisting them.
I saw my Kinesiologist just as it was finishing. She explained that often when the mind is breaking free of old patterns, entering into new ways of being the body is reluctant to give up its old ways. It demands, insists, does whatever it can to keep on receiving the biochemical surge it is so used to. In What the Bleep do we Know Dr Joe Dispenza speaks of this chemical reaction, he explains that it is effectively an addiction. And as anyone knows when you’re addicted to something you’ll do anything in your power to satisfy that addiction. For me, understanding this allows me to understand why I go back to habits, people, situations that I know consciously no longer serve me. The chemicals in my body demand it.
The more you do ‘the work’, the further you move along ‘your path’, the more twists and turns ‘your journey’ takes, it makes you painfully aware of when you’re close to your truth and essence and when you’re miles away. Painfully aware.
These sabotages take many forms. For me it’s around comfort and success. I’ve realised that I tend to freak out when things start to get too far out of my perceived control, that is, when I start to feel uncomfortable. This includes success. It is said we teach what we need to learn the most. When I think of the Anais Nin quote on the back of my business card that struck me at my core when I read it ‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk is took to blossom’, it makes sense that is should strike so deep.
I want to help empower people to live this quote, to live their potential. Enough of this ordinary, safe crap. But look at me. Pot calling the kettle black. Finishing the course of the essence I realised just how much I am holding myself back in some areas. And just when I think I’m breaking free I fall back into my old patterns. As my friend said, it’s like you’re a turtle, sticking your neck out a little bit and then straight back in. While it humoured me it also sobered me.
I’m not writing this post to say woe me. Not at all. And I know many others experience what I’ve described above. The difference for me this time is as I’ve come out of this current cycle I’ve realised just how done I am with it.
‘As the sculptor devotes himself to wood and stone, I would devote myself to my soul’.
– Toyohiko Kagawa
As all of us, I’m on a journey. The more I do this work the more is becomes apparent that old ways of being just don’t work. Won’t work. As a well respected colleague of mine said after lending an empathetic ear ‘eventually you have no choice in the situation’. It is said that once you have an awareness you are then able to change your ways. I always knew I had these sabotages and tendencies but the realisation of how and where and why I’m holding myself back has helped me see the light. And at the end of the day that’s the whole point with all this work. It is to see the light so as to change your ways.
‘Be the healer you seek’
– Dr Eric Pearl
I’m now on a course of the Courage essence (muscle testing confirmed). Fitting really. Because it is time to dig deep and muster the courage and strength to break through my comfort zones, keep sticking my neck out. Retreating instead when I choose to, as opposed to when my body and old ways dictate.
I get the process. I understand why I went through it. It means growth has occurred and that’s the whole point. I’m not here stay in the same place.
‘Spring has past Summer has gone and winter is here.
And the song that I meant to sing remains unsung.
For I have spent my days stringing and unstringing my instrument’.
– Rabindranath Tagore
I came across this quote last week. As soon as I saw it I thought, that’s exactly what it’s all about and that’s exactly what I have to write about. And then I couldn’t write about it. I literally rewrote this post 8 or 9 times. The words wouldn’t come, because when I tried to write about it I felt so out of alignment with it. And of course this is when the awarenesses really hit home.
So with Courage I’m pressing on. I’m venturing further and further out of my comfort zone. Without sounding totally corny, I’m determined to not let my song remain unsung.
Do you have a song to sing? I’m sure you do. Muster the courage to work through your own blocks to get it sung. Please.
Photos thanks to Pinterest http://pinterest.com/clarey22/
